A Change of Heart

A Change of Heart

May 31, 2020

It's been a great week.  I'm not sure how it all happened or what made it all happen, but I'm different today than I was last Sunday.  I feel renewed and capable of becoming who I want to become. 

This week I've been going through and cleaning out my file cabinets - particularly the drawer with all the lessons, talks, programs and presentations that I've given over the past 40 years.  I didn't expect it to be such an inspiring project, but it surely has been.  I do know that whenever I teach, my lack of confidence sends me to my knees.  I beg the Lord for help and I humbly seek His guidance, so I guess it shouldn't surprise me that those folders full of my thoughts and ideas are really not mine at all, but are the thoughts and ideas of the Lord.  They're filled with truth and testimony and as I've read over many of them, I've been filled with the Spirit.   I'm so grateful to the Lord; grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ, and grateful for our Heavenly Father's plan for us.  I want to be better and do better.

Also this week, I started tracking my diet and exercise patterns.  I tried to make a few adjustments toward being a healthier person and I've had more success than usual.  Some years ago, I recognized that when I have control over my appetites, it has a huge and positive affect on my spirit;  I'm happier, more confident, and better able to feel close to God.  This week supports that theory.

It's difficult, but always helpful when I can stick with a morning routine of scriptures, prayers, a conference talk and meditation.  This week that routine has worked.  I've been interested and uplifted by the scriptures and talks from our leaders.  I've felt heard by the Lord, and my efforts to seek revelation " . . . day after day, month after month, year after year [until I] grow into the principle of revelation" (Russell M. Nelson) have been very real and especially rewarding.  My mind has been opened to inspiration.  My heart has been softened towards people that I've been hurt by and felt bitter toward.   I've felt free, purposeful, and at peace.  My heart feels changed.
                                                                                                 
Tomorrow I go in for an angiogram - a procedure to make an assessment of my heart and possibly enlarge some blocked and constricted vessels.  I'm extremely nervous, but excited to address problems and be free of fear and limitations. 

So here I am.  I find myself looking forward to a possible physical change of heart, and looking back at an absolute spiritual change of heart.  It's a new beginning - a new opportunity - a  new vision of my future.  You might say - a new heart.